Singing Those Holiday Blues

Then Job answered the Lord, and said, I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not. Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me. I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. (Job 42:1-5 -KJV)

For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him. (Isaiah 64:4 - KJV)

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9 - KJV)

I must apologize for not maintaining my goal for this blog to write at least a couple entries per month. Please bear with my explanation, though it’s a bit of a downer. It’s all relevant to my main point.

My chronic health issues were on the rampage this year for one thing. That started with concerns for the cardiologist and the gastroenterologist at the same time (and five months of testing!) which turned out to be merely one of my Fibromyalgia medications giving me more side effects than benefits. Later I had two separate incidents of bronchitis, the first of which became a month long bout of pneumonia. Increased Fibromyalgia flare ups (possibly from pulling me off the high-side effect med) often leave me feeling as though I’m in the throes of a full-body migraine for days or even weeks. Difficult as my health challenges have been though, they were nothing compared to a call we had been dreading concerning by husband’s brother.

Jim Lehrmann had struggled with Juvenile (or Type-1) Diabetes most of his life. Despite being cited by several supervisors as one of their best, most reliable and hardest workers, he was let go from the factory where he had been employed full-time and had good medical insurance. The dispute was over days he had taken for what he considered important family business and they did not. He was unable to find permanent full-time work because of the economy, so had to settle for temporary jobs. The hours were good and the wages weren’t too bad, but he still had no medical coverage, so had to pay for insulin and some other health expenses out of pocket.

He began to have complications last year: inexplicable spikes in his blood sugar levels, severe retinal damage causing blindness and congestive heart failure. He could no longer work. He lost his home. He tried filing for Social Security Insurance and Medicaid, but the bureaucracies kept grinding their wheels slowly. The stress was the worst thing for his condition. Although somehow his heart got better, the blood sugar levels stayed erratic until finally it damaged his kidneys. After requiring hospitalization several times over the course of ten months, he was finally approved for dialysis and to get on the transplant list.

 

The day he went for his first outpatient dialysis treatment, August 24, we received a call that he had passed out at the treatment facility, his heart had stopped and they had rushed him to the hospital where he was in a coma. He was transferred later that day to another hospital which apparently was better equipped with the necessary breathing apparatus. The next day the doctor declared him nonresponsive and the immediate family was called to say their good-byes.

When we got there the next day the nurse explained to us that the doctor’s diagnosis was necrotic brain damage from which there is no recovery. She demonstrated the lack of responses to certain tests they administer, so we could understand. It helped us to make the decision we knew Jim wanted. He never wanted to have his body kept alive if his mind wasn’t there anymore. The neurologist arrived the next day to verify the diagnosis and then we were able to turn off the machines and pull the breathing tube and let him go naturally to his peace.

Jim had not had an easy life. He allowed the emotional blows to drive him away from God for a long time. Sometimes over the years, he was open to discussing matters of faith with his big brother and me … briefly. Jim never let us tell him either of our testimonies or anything that personal or deep about our faith, but we stayed open to listening and answered his questions and tried not to be pushy (patience is not our strong point). He didn’t stop believing in God really because he told me once he was angry with God. You can’t be angry with somebody you believe doesn’t exist. But God is big enough to take that anger directed at Him and make miracles happen in ways we don’t expect.

I know it was of great comfort to the whole family that during Jim’s final conscious days, he seemed in every conversation to radiate anticipation and acceptance. He had asked to meet with his uncle the retired pastor. So we are confident that in his heart he had already made the decision of returning to the Lord. He just wanted confirmation from an expert that it would stick tight this time.

This year passed in a blur of physical and emotional pain for me. Now I am one third of the way through December, eleven days from turning 45 and the date that people kept going on about being the possible end of the world because of that stupid Mayan calendar. My brother-in-law Jim died less than three weeks before turning 45. This year I missed our joking about how I was trying to catch up to him in age.

 

I can’t find much holiday cheer and I don’t seem to be the only one in the family. We decided not to put up our big Christmas tree and though we said we’d put up some other decorations, we haven’t yet. My daughters aren’t enjoying Chanukah like they used to even though their uncle wasn’t even from the Jewish side of the family. I have all the ingredients but haven’t baked a single cookie.

Jim would be ashamed of me for that last part. Even though he had diabetes and didn’t eat sweets himself, he made some mean desserts for other folks. His cheesecake, cream puffs, cannoli and Death by Chocolate were the rage of nearly every celebration at work. It was his way of overcoming.

If Jim could see me wallowing in my holiday blues, I’m sure he’d say that I need to stop having a pity party, get off my kiester and just work at something I usually would during this time of year until I feel the spirit. He would tell me to make more cookies than ever and give a bunch away to cheer people up in his honor. Most of all, I bet he is wishing right now he could tell me there is so much more in store for the faithful to someday experience than anything his brother, he and I ever mentioned in our chats.

For more information about Diabetes and the search for a cure visit:

American Diabetes Association http//www.diabetes.org/

National Diabetic Association http://ndausa.net/