The Meaning of Life's Struggles

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." - Lamentations 3:22 (NIV)
"Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." - Jeremiah 31:13 (NIV)

I used to think God gave us certain challenges repeatedly until we learned our lesson from them. Then they would stop and we could move on to new challenges. After decades of increasingly occurring migraines, I know that line of reasoning to be flawed. It is impossible in the throes of such blinding pain to think anything besides, "Dear Lord, I think my brains are going to explode out of my mouth unless You help me."

Occasionally, my prayer is answered by my medicine lulling me to sleep rapidly. A few times the response has been gastric pyrotechnics which I hope have not included any of my nervous system. More often, like today, I am left to feel the medicine has not done its job, is giving me concerning side effects that mean my neurologist will be searching via trial and error through several more treatments, and I continue to feel sick.

I have to focus on other things to keep from going out of my mind with the pain. The distraction technique has its merits when used correctly. I can pray, meditate, study scripture or philosophy, read uplifting books, watch positive movies or shows, work on one of my crafts or try to write if I can focus enough like now. Sometimes, though, the distractions are more a pity party, wherein lies the danger.

I have to be mindful that, ever since a bad head injury as a child, I have a tendency to become depressed easily by certain circumstances or influences. This has been a difficult year for me and the last several weeks have been discouraging in a way I never would have expected. I noticed the last few days a definite decrease in my amount of willingness to participate in activities that usually matter a great deal to me, whether because I'm passionate about them or love people who need me to care. This is a wake up call to me that I am headed toward a depressive episode.

I had hoped to turn that around today by getting physically and mentally active again. But I awoke this morning with this migraine. For those who have never suffered the pain of a full-blown migraine headache, I will attempt to describe the sensation.

Have you ever had a finger hammered or slammed in a door so hard that it turned four different colors within an hour after and maybe bled a little and you weren't sure if you would need a splint and whether you would lose the nail permanently? Imagine feeling like that has been done to the back of you eyeballs and the bundle of nerves between your neck and skull. But the pain will not subside for twelve hours, a full day, three days or maybe a week. You might vomit from how bad the pain is. Light feels like knitting needles stabbing through your eyes, stirring shards of broken glass around inside your brain, and stabbing out the back of your skull. Noise does not cause migraines; different patients have different reactions to different noises at different times. I sometimes can't stand any noise at all; other times rhythmic bass actually distracts me from the pounding of my own pulse in my head, so soothes me.

From facing this torture more often as the years go by, along with my other infirmities, I have adopted another philosophy. We often don't appreciate blessings in life to their very fullest extent unless we have faced suffering. I certainly don't take fleeting moments of joy with my family for granted anymore.